Past Loves

When I’m alone, in my head, I dream about moments that have never happened; moments that make me feel glamorous and desired. I listen to music through headphones and remember past loves. Loves I may have spent time with, and loves that I didn’t. 

Do we all have an unrequited love that we do not speak of? Someone who we cherish in our mind and keep secured in our secret vault? There is never any need to speak of them because it would only hurt the current Love in our life.
What do we do with all of our feelings for this person? Where do we channel them? They stay locked in our private safe, and most of the time we forget...until we don’t...and then we do again.  Love is a fixed thing, it never goes away. To mentally deny it is to push it deep down. It eventually pops up and we have to look at it again. I think this is a part of life. It can’t be only me who goes through waves of old and new love.

Past loves – I don’t yearn for them. I don’t pine for reunions, or potential relationships, I feel a loss because their spirits are no longer in my life. I long for the connection... Time does not exist.  I see them as clearly in my mind as if they were sitting across from me lost in conversation. With one look they could view right to my core and see my mind, and heart, and soul.
Sometimes I miss them so much it is hard to breathe - like they’re pulling my breath from me wherever they are; urging my essence to follow them through their lives. Maybe I have a light grip on their centers, and I am carrying them gently in my life.  It’s possible they don’t even remember my name. Life can be funny like that.

The wind outside my window is caressing the pane...it brings the ripple of old thoughts.  I reach for my glass of pinot gris to have another sip.   

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