Holding My Real Self Back From My Daughters

Jenny Lutes

I sat silently watching my 8 year old daughter Ava bopping in her chair while she listened to her music through headphones; she had joy in her eyes as she started singing the lyrics out loud.

When she realized that she sang out loud instead of in her head she giggled, raised her shoulders, covered her mouth with her hand, apologized and said, “I’m just having so much fun.” I told her, “Never be sorry to express joy.”

My thoughts then moved to myself, and I realized that I hold back from letting my girls see who I really am. I’m a hell of a lot more interesting than I’ve let on.

They’ve rarely seen me dance...I love to dance. My Husband has impromptu dance parties with them all the time. I remember the words to every song I hear on the radio...I never sing them.

Why do I hold back? I know who I am. I’m confident in myself. I’m comfortable in my own skin. I have strong values and know my purpose in life.
Do other Moms keep their inner world to themselves? Are we pulled in so many directions that sharing our thoughts, being silly, and really opening ourselves up to our children seems like just another task on our “To Do” list? We’re everything to our families - the compass and the soft place to land.

I have not lost myself - I make sure to take time for me - but I do see that I’m my true self on my own time. My family would benefit from me being my true self all of the time.
Moms, we’re a force of nature - let’s express ourselves and be the blinding light. 

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