My daughters are still young but I feel that it’s important to show them what I feel is essential in life. Our conversations are age appropriate - the messages are simple - and they will deepen as the girls grow up.
No one is fulfilled by anything outside of themselves – even if they think they are. Real confidence and self-esteem comes from knowing who we are - not what we have. Taking time to do things that we really enjoy like sports, reading, playing, engaging with other people, and having quiet individual time help us to grow. Placing importance on toys, clothes, homes, cars, social hierarchies, etc. is just a part of the illusion of fulfillment.
Everyone feels alone at some point in their life...it’s important to reach out. From starting at a new school, to bullying, to motherhood - we all feel separate sometimes. There’s no shame in asking for a hug, some one-to-one time, or help. We feel stronger when we are a part of the world around us. Sometimes we need to try something new and meet new friends, or take part in activities with people who have the same interests.
People are imperfect and deserve to live without being judged. If we judge others for any reason then we are in low self-esteem. Judging others is a waste of time and instead we need to really look at them and figure out why we feel bothered. Most of the time there is an underlying reason that we’re ignoring. We may be projecting our own issues and thoughts onto them. When we judge others we’re disrespecting ourselves too.
I tell my daughters to always pay attention to the nervous feeling in their tummies. If they feel scared or uncomfortable then it’s always okay to leave the situation, or to say no. We have a natural inner guide and we need to listen to it.
It’s important to talk about what bothers us when we feel wronged. We need to address our upsets with people and not let ill feelings fester. If we hurt someone else then we need to say that we’re sorry. Little upsets, big upsets, and any misunderstandings need to be talked about and forgiven.
Forgive everything always. Move forward.
Love others for who they are and not who you want them to be. Love yourself first and be respectful to yourself. Be thoughtful with the words you say.
If you need some extra attention then ask for it – don’t be worried about rejection.
Side note: Rejection:
Don’t take anything personally. If someone rejects you then it’s probably about them and what’s going on in their head.
It can be challenging to remember all of this as an adult, and I have my little mirrors to speak up when I forget my own lessons. Life is a journey and we are always learning - no matter what age we are.