Aging gracefully...I'm turning 40 this weekend....

I'm listening to Blind Melon and reflecting on turning 40 this weekend...Toes Across the Floor..... What I've come up with in my inner reflection is this: 

I am myself.
No confusion.
Rely on myself.
Communicate indefinitely. 
I see into everyone. I have no time for insecurities.

I want to live my 40's with grace. Face the darkness. Delve into the muck. 
Release the old. Be the light.

Be myself. No apologies. No explanations.
To tired to care.
Daily hardships. Daily love.

Flowers. I want flowers, and wine for my birthday, and space.
I live my life in the metaphysical. Maybe today I'll spend in the seemingly physical.

Am I done with makeup? Who am I trying to look good for? The public when I run errands? Who cares. An hour of makeup for that? The people in my life know how tired I look. Does makeup mean anything to me? It doesn't mean more than reading that extra chapter - I'm completing the book - forget the makeup.

I waited 39 years for someone to get me. I get me. That's enough.

I am enough. Don't need a mantra. The mantra is part of the illusion. Done with all of that.

This year I'll do what I like. What do I want? What makes me comfortable? What inspires me? I know what inspires me - I know myself. Don't have to ask that flailing question. I'm so done with mainstream questions. I'm too old to pretend to be lost. Read what I write if you want. I'm not going to pretend to be striving to be myself to drive readership.

This life is hard. That's the point. If it was easy we wouldn't grow. If it wasn't hard we would be lazy. Wake up everyone. Wake up to the reality that what we surround ourselves with isn't real. That photo? Not real. The money? Not real. The lifestyle? Not real. The struggle is real. What everyone portrays online isn't the whole story - it's a curated and well thought out portrayal of the life of that persona. It's a snapshot of a single moment that has passed. It doesn't exist.

Is this what age does? It removes the give-a-bleeps and replaces them with adages:

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Mark Twain

"In youth we learn; in age we understand." Ebner-Eschenbach

Oooohh, Joan is onto something:
"Age is just a number. It's irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine."
Joan Collins

That's it - my 40's will be about colour, and wine, and living, and textures, and flowers, and love, and forgiveness.

No more polite chuckling at others mindless thoughts.

To those who have passed 40 - you know what I'm talking about. To those who are on the way - get ready to clean house. Take the time now to re-evaluate all that you know: friends, family, needs, wants, what music makes you happy in the shower, what baked goods you love, what wines you love, what whiskies you love (Crown or CC...).

Don't cling to a are the guru...don't get lost in the ego. Such a distraction. If you don't know what a guru is then don't get lost in an author. No one has the complete answer. Live. Figure it out. Make a life that you enjoy. Look for answers within yourself. Period.

"Anything that's new has to fight its way through." John Anthony West

...and I would argue that nothing is new...and we have lived this we have the answers.

So many generations are looking for an answer. No one really dives deep. You need to take a step outside to be in truth.

Do you know what I have now? Sweet freedom. Freedom from attachments. It's a beautiful sunny day, the windows are open with a cool breeze, and my gigantic puppy is happily chewing his bone at my feet. My girls baked me birthday cupcakes and the pink icing was delicious.... 


  1. ❤ this. You have a beautiful way with words which seem to reflect exactly how I have been feeling. The part that resonates with me the most is, "I waited 39 years for someone to get me. I get me. That's enough."

    Wishing you all the best in the coming year!


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